"As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it."
-- Sam Ewing
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."
-- W.C. Fields
"I can resist everything except temptation."
-- Oscar Wilde
"Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late."
-- John Alexander Thom
"Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off."
-- Ralph Bus
"The trouble with children is that they're not returnable."
-- Quentin Crisp
"Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature."
-- Marilyn Monroe
"I think I mentioned to Bob [Geldof] I could make love for eight hours. What I didn't say was that this included four hours of begging and then dinner and a movie."
-- Sting
"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."
-- Will Rogers
"The road to success is always under construction."
-- Unknown
"The path of least resistance is the path of the loser."
-- H. G. Wells
"A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first."
-- Oscar Levant
"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"
-- Albert Einstein
"Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried."
-- Mae West
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."
-- Marty Feldman
"I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it."
-- Clint Eastwood
"The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong."
-- Andy Rooney
